What the hell was that?! You’re (2018) definitely one for the books.
Lets start off with the beginning of the year.
Before we start here are a few things I learned this year.
-Don't let anyone knock your hustle. Take pride in what you do. Someone will always be jealous
-Those who know they can't handle you WILL treat you like shit
-No one is worth you losing your focus for. Stay on track
-Wasted time is not always a bad thing
-Keep loving the way you do even if it isn't reciprocated
-Listen to your heart, instincts and BODY.
-We accept the love we THINK we deserve
-CLOSE MOUTHS DO NOT GET FED
-When people show you who they are believe them. THE FIRST TIME
-Not everything and everyone is meant for you
-Not being ok is okay.
I spent my New Year in Paris which was a dream within itself. The year before I was so not myself. I felt like I was entering a stage of depression, not being good enough, diverting from my goals etc. I wrote a long blog post about it and never posted it because I felt embarrassed. Hence the reason for the Christmas/New Year vacation I thought it would be a good way to run away from my feelings but it only travelled with me. So now I've made it a ritual to always book a vacation for the holidays where I can end the year off right. When I got back I received a job opportunity working for a neurologist. This was the first time I ever would have a steady job. The field was new to me and I wanted to challenge myself going to school full time and managing my brand. It isn't easy going from being your own boss to being managed by someone else. Overall I loved my job and while I am glad I was FIRED. (In November) Yes FIRED. I was holding out for so long waiting to be fired. I knew my time was up there and the only reason why I stayed so long was because I made a vow to myself to stay there for about a year. For the sake of consistency. I met so many great people there, learned about how insurance policies work and free massages. But it wasn't what I wanted to do for the rest of my life or longer than need be. My time there was an experience I will never forget despite the office drama.
I started dating, and cut my hair. My long blonde locs needed to be cut and I needed a fresh start. Once I cut my hair at Utopia Deva Curl Salon I was so self conscious. I HATED IT. Let me just say if you are one to wear your hair curly and straight do not get a deva curl cut. Although it was healthier. You know when they say “women always cut their hair after something traumatic? That’s me except I even went to the extreme and even had my breast reduction. I let go of all those lingering things, it’s not a sign of depression/unhappiness, but a feeling of moving forward.
And of course dating is, just that dating. Or is it? I mean we invest our time into people we believe are good for us but are we really okay with these people potentially being temporary? But boy did that go left. It took a toll on my feelings and how I see the world. Some people don't deserve the love you give. The time you dedicate. And I know I will walk on eggshells again as a defense mechanism. It isn't wasted love. I have more love to give and eventually I will pour all of that into the right appreciative type of person. When I decide that person does not have a negative hidden agenda.
34G to 34 C... Yup I did it and I don't regret one bit of it. I always said if I were to get some kind of cosmetic surgery done I would be as transparent & open about it as possible. Why hide it ? When I was younger before puberty I was diagnosed with scoliosis wore a back brace to school sleep and everything in between. Fortunately my spine stopped curving after I was fully developed but my breasts didn’t hence the slight shoulder/ neck and occasional back pain in the morning. My insurance covered the expense. I had a great surgery however when I got home I could not stop crying. I felt like something I’ve been carrying with me was just taken from me until realized I am NOT my boobs there’s more to me and that’s what I love about this change. I wont speak too much on it because I vlogged my entire experience and you can watch it below.
This was my favorite month. My birthday month, I turned 22 years old and spent my time on an island called Curacao. During this time I also launched a whole new collection. I felt like I could of worked harder on it but I was distracted and thats what this whole year was about. Unnecessary distractions, unreliable people, overwhelming toxicity.
I made it my duty to get help. No one was going to bring me there so I went myself. To the psychologist. This was the best and most emotional experience I ever had. I was crying for days on end before I decided to schedule an appointment. I spoke about all the things that were bothering me and how I felt about those things. I was lucky to have someone who was great on the first appointment whereas having to find someone I was comfortable with. It's as if 50 bricks were released from my back. These days therapy is such a taboo in the Latinx and Black community. Hopefully one day this will change. I hope anyone else reading this finds the courage to find peace and quiet. The voices and noises inside or outside of your mind should be at peace and steady. Look for help, seek counseling for your own well being. 2019 is all about self care and more knowledge about the known and unknown.
November 11th was also the 4 year anniversary for TAYLOR TYLER. I couldn't be anymore excited because over 50% of start up businesses fail within the first year.
I was broken down in every which way, but in every way I needed to be broken down in. I have felt low, felt on top of the world & everything in between. For the new year I want to be a better person to others and myself, avoid situations that aren’t conducive to my life or well being, a better friend, really understand the meaning of loyalty and self care. I’m staying in my own pebbled rainbow painted lane this new year.
On the bright side I was able to travel as much as I wanted too.
Heres a few places I went to in 2018:
(if you're ever in Vegas go to the Bellagio Buffet. Thank me later)
Outfit: Fashion Nova. Use my code : xxtylerxx for $ off xx
Moral of the story I’m glad ur f*cking over. THANK U, NEXT ✌🏼💛🌺